U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
