Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
