If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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