College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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