They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
