her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
