my mouth tastes like poor choices
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
