I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize