there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize