NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
