I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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