I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
