I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
