So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
