I faked an abortion last night.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
