Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
