well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
