can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
