Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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