she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize