cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
