He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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