there was a trapeze. enough said
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
