I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
