im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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