Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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