I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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