His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
