after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
