nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
PANTIES FOUND
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