There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
