i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
