see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
