She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
