Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
