Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
