The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
