The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
