he wants to bone in the snuggie
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
