you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
