Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
