Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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