i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
