I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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