If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize