took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
