Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
