Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize