is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
