We got so high we made milksteak
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
