I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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