I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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