Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
