I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
