omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
