we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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