so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
