I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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