I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
