I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
