we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
