what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
