The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
