I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
