Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just want to make out with him forever
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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