Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
