I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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