i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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