I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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