you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
