He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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