Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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