It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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