in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
