you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
