I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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