I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize