Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
