Please, let me fuck your mom
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
soo... how was my night?
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