thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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