I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
