i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
