omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
