I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
