If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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