used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
