The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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