did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i now understand why vodka
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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