so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
