the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
