Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
