she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize