just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
