fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
