There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
