I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
