No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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