dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
