Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Randomize
