Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
