I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize