bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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