I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
